Lately I've been having a lot of strange experiences with my dreams in regard to religion. I don't really want to get into specifics because these dreams have been startling to me and the less I think about them, the better. These dreams have been so vivid, moving, and haunting in my waking consciousness that I'm beginning to reconsider things. Not saying I'm going to be some reborn but it's certainly got that door open again.
The last few days have been spent watching a lot of DVDs and reconnecting with a few people who were or are a large part of my life. It's been good as well as a poignant reminder of how romantically alone. I realize it's not a permanent thing but it still sucks. It's also probably the only part of my life I complain about consistently. Work has been pretty okay, I've got a solid group of real friends, and I've slowly been able to weed through who is not worth having in my life anymore.
I want to build my life, from this point forward, on a foundation of positive energy. I spent so long dwelling on negative things that it nearly killed me and I am finally ready for that to change. I don't feel the need to prove myself to people anymore. I don't need to be a "metal" guy. I'm frankly sick of being pigeonholed like that (although I guess I didn't help anyone change their mind through the way I brazenly spoke about other music for so long).
Someone told me before I cut my hair that "You won't be Mike without your hair!"
That was definitely a wake up call that it needed to go. If I'm defined by people for something so stupid then I really have a lot of work to do really bringing my own ideas out and making it apparent to people what is truly important at this stage of my life. My life is a work in progress and I believe that to an extend I have come to terms with that.
With that, my resolutions for 2009:
1. Lose another 25 lbs
2. Save at least $1,000
3. Finish paying off my credit card debt
4. Start skating again
5. Do my best to be good to the people in my life
5th one is really important to me because I think I'm okay at this but could be much better.
I'll try to keep this more active than my livejournal ever was.
Bis Dann,
Mike
