Today was a bizarre day. I had a friend tell me that I say depressing things too much and that it makes her sad. A few hours later she proceeds to complain to me for 20 minutes about an issue in her life. I listen and console her. Give her advice. I don't judge her.
Why is it that people can't show each other common courtesy?
I think it's such a bizarre thing. I'm not sure how it happened but it seems like people are so desensitized towards each other. Empathy is almost nil and people look out for themselves and themselves only.
Not to say that you shouldn't take care of yourself. At the end of the day it's you and you alone. However I wish people showed more emotion towards each other and were less judgmental. Not to say that I'm a saint but at least I'm trying to make myself better. I swear there are some people who never give their corrosive personalities a second thought.
Today was rainy and cold. It was lonely. I'm tired of being lonely and i'm really tired of complaining about being lonely. I realize I'm not the most fit guy ever but I really do thing my personality makes up for it. Does anyone care about what people are like anymore or is it based on animalistic "MUST FUCK" instincts? I really have no idea what women want anymore, because they continually end up in fucking abusive relationships that they don't do anything about.
I guess I'm frustrated. I guess maybe I do complain a lot. I'm trying to get better. That's worth something, right?
Monday, March 9, 2009
Monday, March 2, 2009
Let it snow...
Snow day #2 of this semester and I have a Shakespeare paper to do.
Oh, it's noon. I've decided which passage I'm going to work with for a 5-6 page paper...but have yet to really start. Procrastination for the LOSE.
Life has been hectic lately (what's new?) and I'm feel really run down. Nervous about the future (what's new?) and trying to figure out if/when/where I want to go to Grad school failing the job in CA.
I'm also finally ready to admit I am desperately tired of being alone romantically. It's so frustrating trying to meet anyone, I have no idea how people date anymore. You seemingly can't trust what 90% of people say and most of the time they will send you mixed signals in regards to what they actually want vs. how they act. Sigh.
Things to look forward to:
Laptop coming this week? yay!
Watchmen on Thursday @ Midnight
Pentagram/The Devil's Blood on Friday in NYC
New England Metal and Hardcore Fest
End of the Semester
MDF
Internship in NYC
Overall, I have a lot to look forward to, but little of it gets me truly excited. I miss those days when something like MDF would have me salivating for months at a time. Although I did see pictures from that Scion festival from this past weekend which made me really anxious for MDF. What's better than 3 days of great metal, beer, and hanging with your friends? In my mind, not much.
Oh, it's noon. I've decided which passage I'm going to work with for a 5-6 page paper...but have yet to really start. Procrastination for the LOSE.
Life has been hectic lately (what's new?) and I'm feel really run down. Nervous about the future (what's new?) and trying to figure out if/when/where I want to go to Grad school failing the job in CA.
I'm also finally ready to admit I am desperately tired of being alone romantically. It's so frustrating trying to meet anyone, I have no idea how people date anymore. You seemingly can't trust what 90% of people say and most of the time they will send you mixed signals in regards to what they actually want vs. how they act. Sigh.
Things to look forward to:
Laptop coming this week? yay!
Watchmen on Thursday @ Midnight
Pentagram/The Devil's Blood on Friday in NYC
New England Metal and Hardcore Fest
End of the Semester
MDF
Internship in NYC
Overall, I have a lot to look forward to, but little of it gets me truly excited. I miss those days when something like MDF would have me salivating for months at a time. Although I did see pictures from that Scion festival from this past weekend which made me really anxious for MDF. What's better than 3 days of great metal, beer, and hanging with your friends? In my mind, not much.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Lately I've been having a lot of strange experiences with my dreams in regard to religion. I don't really want to get into specifics because these dreams have been startling to me and the less I think about them, the better. These dreams have been so vivid, moving, and haunting in my waking consciousness that I'm beginning to reconsider things. Not saying I'm going to be some reborn but it's certainly got that door open again.
The last few days have been spent watching a lot of DVDs and reconnecting with a few people who were or are a large part of my life. It's been good as well as a poignant reminder of how romantically alone. I realize it's not a permanent thing but it still sucks. It's also probably the only part of my life I complain about consistently. Work has been pretty okay, I've got a solid group of real friends, and I've slowly been able to weed through who is not worth having in my life anymore.
I want to build my life, from this point forward, on a foundation of positive energy. I spent so long dwelling on negative things that it nearly killed me and I am finally ready for that to change. I don't feel the need to prove myself to people anymore. I don't need to be a "metal" guy. I'm frankly sick of being pigeonholed like that (although I guess I didn't help anyone change their mind through the way I brazenly spoke about other music for so long).
Someone told me before I cut my hair that "You won't be Mike without your hair!"
That was definitely a wake up call that it needed to go. If I'm defined by people for something so stupid then I really have a lot of work to do really bringing my own ideas out and making it apparent to people what is truly important at this stage of my life. My life is a work in progress and I believe that to an extend I have come to terms with that.
With that, my resolutions for 2009:
1. Lose another 25 lbs
2. Save at least $1,000
3. Finish paying off my credit card debt
4. Start skating again
5. Do my best to be good to the people in my life
5th one is really important to me because I think I'm okay at this but could be much better.
I'll try to keep this more active than my livejournal ever was.
Bis Dann,
Mike
The last few days have been spent watching a lot of DVDs and reconnecting with a few people who were or are a large part of my life. It's been good as well as a poignant reminder of how romantically alone. I realize it's not a permanent thing but it still sucks. It's also probably the only part of my life I complain about consistently. Work has been pretty okay, I've got a solid group of real friends, and I've slowly been able to weed through who is not worth having in my life anymore.
I want to build my life, from this point forward, on a foundation of positive energy. I spent so long dwelling on negative things that it nearly killed me and I am finally ready for that to change. I don't feel the need to prove myself to people anymore. I don't need to be a "metal" guy. I'm frankly sick of being pigeonholed like that (although I guess I didn't help anyone change their mind through the way I brazenly spoke about other music for so long).
Someone told me before I cut my hair that "You won't be Mike without your hair!"
That was definitely a wake up call that it needed to go. If I'm defined by people for something so stupid then I really have a lot of work to do really bringing my own ideas out and making it apparent to people what is truly important at this stage of my life. My life is a work in progress and I believe that to an extend I have come to terms with that.
With that, my resolutions for 2009:
1. Lose another 25 lbs
2. Save at least $1,000
3. Finish paying off my credit card debt
4. Start skating again
5. Do my best to be good to the people in my life
5th one is really important to me because I think I'm okay at this but could be much better.
I'll try to keep this more active than my livejournal ever was.
Bis Dann,
Mike
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